I pray your love does not see you as inappropriate. That would be too cruel a fate.
[ She adores lovers, with the hunger of someone who yearns for it and also yearns to observe it for data. ]
'Tis not strange at all, dear Anon. It is a wish I hold most ardently for those I love, as well as mourn the lack of for myself. I am a woman, after all.
My own pleasures are inconsequential and sinful, though I have them. And seek them, against all sense.
I pray you listen to me: being of the fairer sex need not condemn you. Your pleasures are of the same importance as men's. This is not something I was taught, but something I have learned here.
[ The Manor guests are so generous. They think her dignified, feeding her on grace and patience as if that is what the abyss within her hungers for. ]
I am still learning my way, dear Anon. Do forgive my fumbling — my life has been unlit for long, and the light I carry now gutters at the softest breeze.
What does happiness look like, to you? To your lover?
I am not a complicated man. Happiness is merely having someone to share life's joys with, someone to help and be helped by when things are dark. A partner. I think for them it is the same.
Then, I shall pray nightly for the two of you and your shared joys. May He have mercy, and allow such grace to follow you to the eternal kingdom and its deep waters.
Would you tell me more of your love, dear Anon? How you found it, and knew it for what it was and — what challenges it has helped you to surmount? I believe I am in love, myself, but he is so far from me now...
I was not searching for love. I have lived most of my life as a bachelor more interested in science than romance. I arrived here and required assistance in adapting to things, and one of the people who was kind enough to help me became a very dear friend very quickly. I knew it was love when I realised that I centered him in my thoughts every day, that I craved his touch, his smile.
As to challenges, I feel he has helped me in so many ways. He has kept me sane, and kind. I truly feel that without him I would be more prone to despair.
It was made clear to me in my youth, that love was not an option for me. I never sought it, though I have always been infatuated with the idea of it, the premise of seeking and finding and attaining it. I write stories about love, and the difficulties of living with it. How it exists, how it enthralls, and sometimes how it suffers. I have met several dear people since my arrival, all who have treated me with great patience. I find myself flourishing under their aid, but would not think that it is due to love. Which must means your union is all the more blessed.
[ Sanity is not her own strong suit, and love, she knows, would never resolve it. ]
He is. Mister Nathaniel Roake, my sole patron. He has always taken risks in my name — first, to publish my novel and second, to fund my escape from my family. I was going to England to meet him, when I arrived here. Now, I feel so close to him, and yet, not close enough.
Was it religion or duty that was considered more important than love? One must make sacrifices for their station sometimes, but affection is hardly unimportant.
I suppose you have made it to England, at least. I am sorry that your patron is not here to welcome you. I pray that those friends you have made and those you yet will can make up for that somewhat.
And you may find love yet. It often appears when we are unprepared.
Both, in a way. It is my father who decides my purpose, and love does not factor into the importance of my utility.
Being rather useless here is liberating, actually. I am able to engage in other pursuits — like research, and writing, and community of my choosing, rather than community chosen for me.
I am a little frightened of love that may come for me, as I fear what might become of me, should I come to need it more than the air I breathe. Reading that in stories and hearing of it from partners makes me want to first belong to myself, before I entwine my heart with another.
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no subject
Is it so strange to want the ones you care for to be safe? I should hope that it's quite common.
Do you not wish for that?
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[ She adores lovers, with the hunger of someone who yearns for it and also yearns to observe it for data. ]
'Tis not strange at all, dear Anon. It is a wish I hold most ardently for those I love, as well as mourn the lack of for myself. I am a woman, after all.
My own pleasures are inconsequential and sinful, though I have them. And seek them, against all sense.
no subject
I pray you listen to me: being of the fairer sex need not condemn you. Your pleasures are of the same importance as men's. This is not something I was taught, but something I have learned here.
You deserve every happiness.
no subject
I am still learning my way, dear Anon. Do forgive my fumbling — my life has been unlit for long, and the light I carry now gutters at the softest breeze.
What does happiness look like, to you? To your lover?
no subject
I am not a complicated man. Happiness is merely having someone to share life's joys with, someone to help and be helped by when things are dark. A partner.
I think for them it is the same.
no subject
Would you tell me more of your love, dear Anon? How you found it, and knew it for what it was and — what challenges it has helped you to surmount? I believe I am in love, myself, but he is so far from me now...
[ lore: unlocked...... ]
no subject
I was not searching for love. I have lived most of my life as a bachelor more interested in science than romance. I arrived here and required assistance in adapting to things, and one of the people who was kind enough to help me became a very dear friend very quickly. I knew it was love when I realised that I centered him in my thoughts every day, that I craved his touch, his smile.
As to challenges, I feel he has helped me in so many ways. He has kept me sane, and kind. I truly feel that without him I would be more prone to despair.
Is your loved one back in your own world?
no subject
It was made clear to me in my youth, that love was not an option for me. I never sought it, though I have always been infatuated with the idea of it, the premise of seeking and finding and attaining it. I write stories about love, and the difficulties of living with it. How it exists, how it enthralls, and sometimes how it suffers. I have met several dear people since my arrival, all who have treated me with great patience. I find myself flourishing under their aid, but would not think that it is due to love. Which must means your union is all the more blessed.
[ Sanity is not her own strong suit, and love, she knows, would never resolve it. ]
He is. Mister Nathaniel Roake, my sole patron. He has always taken risks in my name — first, to publish my novel and second, to fund my escape from my family. I was going to England to meet him, when I arrived here. Now, I feel so close to him, and yet, not close enough.
no subject
I suppose you have made it to England, at least. I am sorry that your patron is not here to welcome you. I pray that those friends you have made and those you yet will can make up for that somewhat.
And you may find love yet. It often appears when we are unprepared.
no subject
Being rather useless here is liberating, actually. I am able to engage in other pursuits — like research, and writing, and community of my choosing, rather than community chosen for me.
I am a little frightened of love that may come for me, as I fear what might become of me, should I come to need it more than the air I breathe. Reading that in stories and hearing of it from partners makes me want to first belong to myself, before I entwine my heart with another.
no subject
I think that quite sensible! Knowing oneself is a noble pursuit.