It was made clear to me in my youth, that love was not an option for me. I never sought it, though I have always been infatuated with the idea of it, the premise of seeking and finding and attaining it. I write stories about love, and the difficulties of living with it. How it exists, how it enthralls, and sometimes how it suffers. I have met several dear people since my arrival, all who have treated me with great patience. I find myself flourishing under their aid, but would not think that it is due to love. Which must means your union is all the more blessed.
[ Sanity is not her own strong suit, and love, she knows, would never resolve it. ]
He is. Mister Nathaniel Roake, my sole patron. He has always taken risks in my name — first, to publish my novel and second, to fund my escape from my family. I was going to England to meet him, when I arrived here. Now, I feel so close to him, and yet, not close enough.
Was it religion or duty that was considered more important than love? One must make sacrifices for their station sometimes, but affection is hardly unimportant.
I suppose you have made it to England, at least. I am sorry that your patron is not here to welcome you. I pray that those friends you have made and those you yet will can make up for that somewhat.
And you may find love yet. It often appears when we are unprepared.
Both, in a way. It is my father who decides my purpose, and love does not factor into the importance of my utility.
Being rather useless here is liberating, actually. I am able to engage in other pursuits — like research, and writing, and community of my choosing, rather than community chosen for me.
I am a little frightened of love that may come for me, as I fear what might become of me, should I come to need it more than the air I breathe. Reading that in stories and hearing of it from partners makes me want to first belong to myself, before I entwine my heart with another.
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no subject
It was made clear to me in my youth, that love was not an option for me. I never sought it, though I have always been infatuated with the idea of it, the premise of seeking and finding and attaining it. I write stories about love, and the difficulties of living with it. How it exists, how it enthralls, and sometimes how it suffers. I have met several dear people since my arrival, all who have treated me with great patience. I find myself flourishing under their aid, but would not think that it is due to love. Which must means your union is all the more blessed.
[ Sanity is not her own strong suit, and love, she knows, would never resolve it. ]
He is. Mister Nathaniel Roake, my sole patron. He has always taken risks in my name — first, to publish my novel and second, to fund my escape from my family. I was going to England to meet him, when I arrived here. Now, I feel so close to him, and yet, not close enough.
no subject
I suppose you have made it to England, at least. I am sorry that your patron is not here to welcome you. I pray that those friends you have made and those you yet will can make up for that somewhat.
And you may find love yet. It often appears when we are unprepared.
no subject
Being rather useless here is liberating, actually. I am able to engage in other pursuits — like research, and writing, and community of my choosing, rather than community chosen for me.
I am a little frightened of love that may come for me, as I fear what might become of me, should I come to need it more than the air I breathe. Reading that in stories and hearing of it from partners makes me want to first belong to myself, before I entwine my heart with another.
no subject
I think that quite sensible! Knowing oneself is a noble pursuit.